IS IT TRUTH OR TRASH?
You know those moments when your kids come running to you in tears because their sibling just said something mean? Yeah, me too. It happens almost daily in our house. “They said I’m dumb!” “They called me stupid!” “They said I'm ugly!”
It used to send me into full-on fix-it mode, like I was negotiating the Treatise of Versailles or the Camp David Accords. I’d gather everyone involved, try to figure out who said what, and attempt to orchestrate some reluctant hugs and forced apologies. Sound familiar?
These days, I handle it differently.
The Question That Changes Everything
When my kids come to me upset about something their sibling said, I ask one simple question: “Is it truth or trash?”
Even though I always ask it, they’re always caught off guard by this question. I watch their tear-stained faces shift from distress to contemplation, and without fail, they respond, “Trash.” Usually, a small smile starts to appear as they say it.
Then comes my follow-up question: “What do we do with trash?”
“Throw it away,” they exclaim, their emotional state already transforming.
It’s amazing how this simple exchange has become such a powerful tool in our home. More than just a way to defuse sibling squabbles, it's teaching my kids something invaluable: how to think critically about the words others say to them and, more importantly, how to take control of their reactions to those words.
Think about it. Throughout our lives, people will have opinions about us. Some will be kind, others not so much. As adults, we can get just as caught up in others' judgments and negative comments as our kids do. We replay harsh words in our minds, let them affect our self-worth, and sometimes even make decisions based on what others think of us.
But what if we took a step back and asked ourselves that same simple question: Is it truth or trash?
A Filter for Life
This approach isn’t just powerful on a human level – it has deep spiritual significance. The Bible has quite a lot to say about distinguishing truth from lies.
The reality is that we receive a lot of messages in life.
We are exposed to somewhere between 4,000 and 10,000 ads every day. [1]
Dr. Frank Luskin of Stanford University says we have over 60,000 thoughts a day. [2]
If you have a toddler, they’re asking you about a gazillion questions a day!
We receive a ton of messages, and many of them are trash. From the dysfunctional parent who can’t help but pass on their dysfunction, to the bully at school, to the advertiser who works to manipulate you into feeling a certain way they can take advantage of.
Worst of all is that you have a spiritual enemy – Satan – who the Bible describes as “the father of lies” and “the accuser.”
When negative thoughts creep in – whether they’re whispered by the enemy, spoken by others, or even self-generated – you are not a helpless victim. You have the power to stop and ask of each thought: Is this truth or trash? As the Bible says, “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
God knew we would need this kind of filter, and He gave us one:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)
Just like the TSA metal detector at the airport, God wants us to carefully determine what we allow into our minds. If a thought is not true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy, we label it trash and choose not to believe or think about it.
Instead, we choose to believe and focus our thoughts on what is true. Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
There’s something incredibly liberating about being able to recognize and dismiss lies, whether they come from others or our own internal dialogue.
A Simple Approach to a Vital Life Skill
The beauty of this approach is its simplicity. We don't have to engage in lengthy arguments or plot revenge when someone says something hurtful. We don’t have to let negative words take root in our hearts. Instead, we:
Pause and evaluate: Is this truth or trash?
If it's trash, we throw it away
If it's truth, we respond as it deserves
I’ve watched my kids grow more resilient and discerning through this practice. They’re learning to:
Think critically about what others say
Take control of their emotional responses
Distinguish between helpful feedback and harmful words
Handle conflict without escalating it
Build confidence in their own worth
As a parent, there's nothing quite like seeing your children develop these vital life skills.
I’ve found myself using this same question in my own life more times than I can count. Whether it's dealing with criticism at work, navigating social media comments, or battling my own negative self-talk, that simple question – “Is it truth or trash?” – helps me regain perspective.
So, the next time someone says something that stings, or your inner critic starts acting up, try asking yourself this question. You might be surprised at how many things you’ve been carrying around that deserve to be tossed in the garbage. And more importantly, you might find yourself embracing what’s true about you, instead of the lies others say about you.
After all, isn’t that what we want for ourselves and our children? The ability to walk through life with confidence, knowing how to sift through others' words and opinions to find what’s worth keeping and what’s better left in the garbage bin?
So ... is it truth or trash?
Take Action
Try practicing the “Truth or Trash” method this week.
Each evening, take five minutes to reflect on any negative words or thoughts that bothered you that day. Write them down, then beside each one, write either “Truth” or “Trash.” For the items marked “Trash,” physically crumple up the paper and throw it away – making the mental exercise tangible. For “Truth” items, ask God how He wants to work on it with you in your life.
You might try this with your kids too. You can use it in those teachable moments when your kids come running to you upset about what someone has said. Or make it into a game at dinner time, where everyone shares one negative thing they heard that day, and the family helps decide: Truth or Trash?
References
[1] Forbes Agency Council. (2017, August 25). Finding Brand Success In The Digital World. Forbes. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesagencycouncil/2017/08/25/finding-brand-success-in-the-digital-world/
[2] Your Time to Grow. A Thought Is A Thought. Retrieved from https://www.google.com/search?q=https://yourtimetogrow.com/a-thought-is-a-thought/%23:~:text%3DThe%2520average%2520person%2520has%2520over,day%2520and%2520from%2520previous%2520days!
*If this has been helpful, please send me a message at brad@bradjenkins.me and let me know. And please help me by sharing this post with others who could benefit from it. My writing aims to help people enjoy a vibrant relationship with Jesus, and it is an honor to be on this journey with you.
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