YOUR KIDS DON’T NEED A PERFECT PARENT
Let’s just start here: parenting is harder than most of us expected.
Can we agree on that?
We live in a world of Pinterest-perfect homes, Instagram-worthy family pictures, and endless advice from parenting “experts.” It’s easy to start equating “good parenting” with flawless performance—and then feel crushed when real life doesn’t measure up.
At our house, things don’t look anything like a family magazine cover. My home office is clean and organized… but our bathrooms? Let’s just say “occasionally horrifying.” We tried family devotions, but honestly? They didn’t accomplish what I had hoped, and they fizzled out. These days, our prayers happen in the car on the way to school. And some nights we’re lucky if we eat together at all.
Parenting doesn’t look like we expected.
And that can leave us feeling like we don’t measure up.
But I want to tell you something that has set me free—and I hope it sets you free too: Your kids don’t need a perfect parent.
THE ONE THING YOUR KIDS REALLY NEED
There’s this moment in the Gospels where Jesus is asked the ultimate question:
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-40)
If Jesus boiled down all of God’s commands to two simple words—Love God. Love others—what would that look like in parenting?
The Greatest Commandment for Parents: Love God. Love your kids.
That’s it. That’s the greatest thing you can do as a mom or dad.
Will you discipline perfectly every time? Probably not.
Will you provide every opportunity or check every box? Probably not.
Will your house ever stay spotless? Almost certainly not.
But there’s one thing you can do, and it matters more than everything else: You can love God sincerely, and you can give your kids all the love you know how to give.
Someday, your kids will look back on their childhood and say:
“Dad didn’t do everything perfectly, but he loved me.”
“Mom wasn’t flawless, but she was there—and she loved me.”
And isn’t that what we really want?
MAJOR IN THE MAJORS
If we’re not careful, parenting becomes a pressure-cooker of performance. We get stressed about the minors—pristine houses, perfect schedules, varsity everything, cinematic family devotions, living up to everyone else’s expectations.
But those things aren’t the majors.
The majors are simple: Love God. Love your kids. Be present.
Everything else is secondary.
So, how do we live that out in real life—especially on a Tuesday night at 7:30 when everyone is crying and the house looks like a tornado? Here are three practical choices that help me.
#1: Choose to Relax
I’ve had more than a few seasons where I wondered if I was ruining my kids. (Please tell me I’m not the only one!)
I’ve raised my voice. I’ve dragged kids to things they didn’t want to do. I’ve missed chances to show empathy.
But in the middle of my worry, God keeps whispering:
“Your kids need you to be present more than they need you to be perfect.”
Take a deep breath. Give yourself permission to be human. Let your kids be human too. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. They need space to grow—and so do you.
#2: Choose to Apologize
One of our kids struggles to say “I’m sorry.” For a long time, it frustrated me—until I realized: I wasn’t apologizing much either.
So I started. I began saying things like:
“I was wrong when I raised my voice. I’m sorry for losing patience. I want to do better. Will you forgive me?”
Do you know what happened? The tone in our home began to shift.
Apologizing is an act of love. It shows our kids that we don’t have it all together - that we, too, lean on God’s grace. It teaches them that relationships are built on humility and forgiveness, not performance.
And here’s the secret: apologizing doesn’t make your kids respect you less. It makes them trust you more.
#3: Choose to Lean In
The other night, I walked through the door tired and ready to collapse. Ezra met me immediately: “Dad, want to play LEGO?”
My first instinct was to deflect. But instead, I leaned in. We spent ten minutes on the floor, stacking bricks and laughing.
Ten minutes. That’s it.
But it mattered.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give your kids is undistracted attention. Eye contact. A short walk. A silly game. A moment where they know, “Dad’s really with me. Mom’s really here.”
Here’s a new definition of success I’ve been working with: I’m winning as a parent if my kids want to spend time with me.
TAKE ACTION
You don’t have to carry the weight of being a flawless parent. You don’t have to check every box or win every comparison.
God loves your kids even more than you do. He is writing their story, and He is faithful to get them where they need to be.
The pressure is not all on your shoulders. The story isn’t up to you alone. That’s good news.
So here’s my challenge for this coming week: don’t try to be a perfect parent. Try to be a present one.
Relax when the house looks like chaos.
Apologize when you blow it.
Lean in when your kids ask for a moment of your attention.
And above all, love God with all your heart—and love your kids with all you’ve got.
That’s the kind of parenting that lasts. That’s the kind of love that changes everything.
*If this has been helpful, please send me a message at brad@bradjenkins.me and let me know. My writing aims to help people enjoy a vibrant relationship with Jesus, and it is an honor to be on this journey with you.
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